


Redbull

by DumbestofAsses



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I dont remember writing this, IM SOBBING, i should be banned from, thats it, the internet - Freeform, this is so funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:27:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbestofAsses/pseuds/DumbestofAsses
Summary: redbull is brain  damage
Relationships: Eddie Brock & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Stephen Strange
Comments: 7
Kudos: 43





	Redbull

**Author's Note:**

> found this and never posted this so

"Hey do you guys think if I drank 37 cans of redbull, consecutively, would my spidey senses just increase or would i just die?" Spider-man asked

The villain Spider-man was fighting stopped mid punch

"No, wait, go on" the villain said

"It's just that this has been bothering me all day" Spider-man said in a sad tone

"I can help you test it" the villain said, "There's plenty in there, don't worry I checked" he said pointing at a gas station down the street

"Thanks man!" Spider-man said as he ran across the road to it with the villain walking behind him slowly

"Welcome to chilli-" The cashier started before the guy looked up and saw Spider-man with Eddie Brock walking behind him

You see because of a whole 'eating a cashiers head off' incident cashiers didn't like Venom that much

Spider-man grabs 37 cans of redbull and dumps it on the counter

"I would like to buy this red bull please!" Spider-man said in a sing songy voice, grabbing a wallet from god knows where

Dumbfounded, the cashier man guy just nodded his head, his mouth opening and closing like he was a fish

After Spider-man finished buying all his red bulls, it seemed as if the cashier seemed to have regained his voice

"uuuuhhhhh i-is that the Venom?" he says, shuddering at the name

"Yup" Spider-man responds

"Is-isn't he a bad g-guy?" he says still unable to talk properly

"Yup" Spider-man says again

"S-shouldn't y-you be f-fighting him?" the cashier asks

"Yup, and I am but first I need to know what would happen" Spider-man says as if he wasn't fighting Venom a moment ago

"Its for science" Eddie added

After that Spider-man and Eddie left the store

Eddie sat down as he waited for Spider-man to finish drinking all 37 cans. In a minute.

An amazing idea really.

After Spider-man finished they got up and walked to the other side of the street, Venom encasing eddie's body again

The fight didn't last long, honestly what did you expect it was Venom vs a hyperactive spider baby. JK LOL GET PRANK'D

Spider-man was everywhere. He was running everywhere.

He was running so fast it looked like he was in multiple places at once.

It was utter chaos. 

Venom kept chasing him around.

Spider-man kept trying to eat more sweets and Venom had to stop him before he destroyed the city even more.

No one knows the exact details of what happened and no one will ever know.

By the end Venom caught the Spider and managed to get him to sleep, from a sugar crash.

Venom was declared a hero and all his crimes were ignored.

By the end Spider-man wasn't allowed in 25 different countries, as the countries feared the mayhem that could potentially happen.

Spider-man got a life time ban on sugar and energy drinks (especially red bull)

S.H.E.I.L.D agents constantly watched the vigilanty to make sure he never does another stupid idea.

All red bull was taken by the guardians and dumped somewhere in space and destroyed.

All evidence that red bull used to exist is from the horror stories told to children to stop them from ever repeating what Spider-man did.

And everyone lived happily ever after!

**(based on a true story)**

* * *

The avengers looked down at the screen wondering wtf they just read

They sat there in silence wondering until Clint broke the silence.

"Who would even write something like this?"

Saying out loud what the rest were thinking

They scrolled up and found it, the idiotic persons name

_Written by Peter B. Parker_

Of course it was.

Of fucking course.

After reading such a shit post Natasha took out a gun and pointed it at Clints forehead.

"This is for your own good" then shot him in the brain

"HOW COULD YOU" Steve yelled and killed Natasha

Right before dying Natasha flashed her middle finger at him

Steeb had a heart attack and died

"STEVE NOOOOOOO" then bucky punched Bruce in the face

But he used metal arm

So Bruce was yeeted out the window.

His last words were "Hey this is like that one time with the Valkyries"

"bUCKY WHY" Irondad screamed at Bucky after the death of his science bro

"...i needed to save him from this fanfiction" Bucky said solemnly

Irondad nodded.

"Your right I can't live either with that existing" he said then yeeted himself out window like his science bro before him

After seeing the entire team die Bucky decided that it'd be awesome to drink bleach to clean his mind after that.

But he died.

* * *

"So anyway then I was like-" Peter was saying as Stephen struggled with opening the door.

When they finally opened the door it was a mess.

There was dead bodies everywhere, the window was broken, and fire. Lots of fire.

Peter and Stephen looked at each other before sighing.

"They saw my fanfiction again didn't they?"

"I'm pretty sure they did Peter"

Stephen then used the time stone and rewinded time and stopped them from ever reading the fanfic.

_**And that's the story of how the avengers never found out about Peter's wattpad account.** _

**Author's Note:**

> i may have written this in a hase but it is hands down the fuinniest thing i have ever written


End file.
